rumble of the century

it was the rumble of the century. in the basement of an old church in stone valley, the greatest heros and villains assembled for the biggest organized brawl in history. opened only to the select few by invitation, closed off to the public and the law, steeped in secrecy, overflowing with history, they arrived.
first off was quotong who versus a pair of martian lietenants. eqqman placed dime and a trombone on the underdog who, with 17 to 1 odds against him. quotong who used his kung fu magic to pulverize the two martians in under three rounds. next up was jungle joe versus the horror of the hood, dr horseplay. seth knew the odds were against him, but he hocked his bass to place 5k on the jugular jammer, who pulled out from a four round funk for a tko in the fifth.
the crowd hushed as gringard entered and took his seat in the imperial box. even he wouldn't miss the next match, the quintessential captain john traver versus grignard's latest robotic creation, a cross between automatic weapons and a souped up playstation. the mechanical monstrosity had qt on the ropes for rounds one two and three. aaron white bet his immortal soul against the spaceship of a kree. it was gonna be a tough match. suddenly, someone shouted from the crowd yelled "attack!" johnny snapped his pelvis back into place and took up to the cry. no one ever found out who shouted those words of justice, but no one would ever forget the look in john t's eyes as he took charge of that fight, proving once and again why he will be now and forever known as the man of steel. the ropes could not hold that memorable bout, the captain kicked that robot's ass right through the walls of the basement. the dust settled as the robot landed right in the middle of the dancing girl's practice. with jill leading they never skipped a beat, dancing right around the automaton's broken body keeping beat with the brass boy's funky tunes. the crowd momentarily memorized by their hipnotic hip shaking, all it took was johnny t's pulverizing punches to bring their attention back to the fight at hand. with mear seconds left in the forth and whiteboy's soul on the land, capt john traver dealt a fatal blow that shook the church to its rafters and woke the old ladies upstairs.
"be quiet down there!"
god shouted from the bathroom, "shut your mouth you old bags! it sounds better downstairs!"
with that their was only bout left, the title match to end all title matches, the heavyweight of heavyweights, the match that would cause mike tyson to run crying to his high chair. in one corner stood the emperor of empirical hate, the grinning godawful grignard. the martians cheered their hero and the bets came in faster than todd can keep track with his magic accounting machine. in the other corner stood a dark figure shrouded in secrecy and cape. and then the spotlights flickered on, the pyrotechnics exploded, and the video screen above erupted into the magnificent visage of the one and only galactic boy! his big boots gleamed, his red cape fluttered even in the absence of wind, his shiny silver hat blinded all who looked upon it. the eager martian gamblers suddenly felt their nuts drop all the way to their chins. eqqman, seth, and aaron pooled their resources and bet nothing less than the immortal soul of god himself on this match. surely no mortal has ever witnessed what was about to occur, and all in the room realized they were watching not only history, but all of time itself.
the bell rung.
the first three hundred rounds left the church and seven of the planets in utter ruin, but no victor could be claimed yet. five millenia passed as the blows were traded back and forth, the sun was blotted dark from the shock waves of the punches and parries occurring. soon, time itself took a step back and placed a kilo of coke as a wager on the fight. naught was left but for the valley of stone where the fight raged on. seth had to go back to school, but he came back on winter break. he was gonna come back on thanksgiving break, but we didn't have his current phone number. round four hundred thousand was but a memory as round four million came and went. eqqman was reincarnated as eggman, then parthalan, and finally rereincarnated as the eqqman again. aaron's mom called and told him to come home. the fight was moved to andromeda as the milky way was left in ruins, with nothing but a river of blood from the two valiant fighters left as a reminder of what had passed there.
finally, in round infinity, grignard began to feel the effects of the pain brought on by the mighty galactic boy. he began to see stars, but they were but in his imagination, as all the real stars had ceased to burn in this universe. with his last ounce of consciousness, he could do nothing as the double image of galactic boy's fist raced toward his face. with that final fatal blow, grignard fell to the floor of the mat. his fall spanned eons. his body fell through time and space, through the nine gates of the phi gods. they watched on as his body fell through quantum space, through hyperspace, and even through inner space where it was seen briefly by the three people that saw that movie. over the skies of ancient rome, the parthalans watched the body fall. the legends of the mozambiques, the aztecs, the yanomamo, and neanderthal all share the myth of grignard's body falling from the heavens above to the site currently known as strawberry square in harrisburg. even today, we still commerate his fall in that glorious fight with an annual reenactment, except we replace grignard with a neon strawberry. and terry only wanted to find chicks for seth, not for himself. just for seth!