Guess who's back

Ok, so I wasn't really gone for that long, but it feels like it. My computer died, as in the only way to fix it is with a shotgun. Which actually doesn't fix it, it probably makes it worse. Anyway, I tore apart Terry's computer and finally eradicated the last remnants of whatever virus he had on there, probably because he turned Automatic Updates off, which Windows says is Bad! Very Bad! By this point, all my camera's memory cards were full, so I rushed to install the drivers onto this new, possibly better computer, allowing me to transfer them on. Luckily, all my photos and porn, er, pictures of jesus, were on the Harddrive that Didn't Crash (my old computer died cause the harddrive with Windows began falling apart), so I hooked it up to the new old computer. But the case was off and it didn't fit anywhere, so I just kind of set it on top. Easier Access. I then set about cleaning it up, since it was chock full of dustbunnies. Maybe I'll make a custom case with a lint filter on the intake valve. And with the Art of Cable Folding, I made it a lot nicer inside too, if you like staring at a caseless computer with peripherals sitting on top of each other.
Then I thought I could take the old memory from my dead computer and add it to this new one. I checked online and found the motherboard should be able to handle more RAM. I couldn't figure out exactly what type it took, and if that was different than the kind I had. They looked similar. So I tried jamming it in, figuring nothing bad could happen. They couldn't quite jam in, so I stopped once I started hearing the motherboard crack. Turns out there not the same.
So the mouse sucked, and I wanted to switch that out with mine, cause it has a wheel and a laser. It wouldn't work in the PS/2 slot so I stuck it in the USB slot. I don't know why not having a mouse in the PS/2 slot would make a difference, but it did, and the computer started installing a bunch of new hardware it just found, like the printer port. Which was ok, but suddenly the modem wouldn't work because the COM ports were conflicting. And no matter how much I changed their freaking IRQs, they always ended up the same after reboot. No modem! And I had just installed Firefox! I hadn't even been able to try it out yet!
So I did what you're supposed to do in this case. Uninstall all the COM ports and physically remove the modem. This gave me a chance to actually see what kind of modem it was, since just the generic drivers for it were installed. And then I saw I could switch the jumpers to make it PnP rather than assigning it something.
Lo, it worked. After everything reinstalled itself, the computer found the modem and actually recognized it, letting me install the ungeneric drivers for it. And the COM port it used to be on was never actually reinstalled, it just put itself on a different one. Which is the golden rule of fixing: Take it apart and put it back together, and if there's a piece left over, well, that was probably the piece that was giving you trouble in the first place.
So I went to test it out to see that it actually worked for serious. I hit "dial" and then covered my ears in anticipation of the deafening dialup and initialization noise. Hey! It's quiet now. And the internet actually works!