Derek is gay?

My friend Derek called me up to invite me over his place tomorrow. He's getting a bunch of guys together to "smoke cigars and play Halo." He didn't mention it, but I'm sure he'll want to have have sex with all of us as well. Because he's gay. He doesn't fool me. That wife and kid of his is just a scam - I've seen places you can buy those. I'm sorry, Derek, I'm just not attracted to men. Or to you. Burn! You're gonna need some ointment cause I burned you so bad! Damn! Where's the salve?