The Oscars

I watched the Oscars tonite. I was wearing jeans by Levi and shirt by Gap. My shoes were by Timberland. I lost some money on the Oscars because I couldn't cover the spread in the Best Picture category. This is my second Oscar-viewing, and I have tried to watch them five times before. They should give out certificates of participation to all the contestants just to be fair. I can't believe who was voted off this week. I didn't want to compete with all the Oscar-viewing parties tonite, so I'll be throwing one next week. I didn't keep track of who won, so if anyone asks, I'll just make it up; that would have exactly the same amount of relevance on that person's life. I couldn't believe Hilary Swank won for Best Actress; I thought she was a boy. I won't give away the rest of the winners for those people who haven't seen tonite's episode yet. But I think you'll be surprised at who wins Best Best Boy. If God won an Oscar, he'd thank me for all my help; after all, I optioned his first screenplay when all the studios passed.